Hello to my family of TN. I write knowing that I have a little less than two weeks before I am officially homeless. My experiences have become things that I wish to share not only because I am experiencing things that are unimaginable to me but because I am experiencing them with TN.
Today, I was reminded of that saying, "Everything that happens to you, happens for a reason." I bet several of us have heard this; it seems to be the answer whenever someone who has not experienced what we are experiencing tells us. I thought about my experiences and what this saying means and I wish to share.
When I was diagnosed with having TN, I thought the doctors were mistaken. I almost lost my job trying to work and figure out what was wrong with me. My production and quality failed to levels never seen and my boss had to write me up and caution that if things did not improve I could end up being terminated. I remember crying and trying to explain what was happening to my life and though she understood, there was nothing she could do except her job. Things got better. Thanks to the new medicine I was taking and I was able to continue working and going to school. Then as I wrote in my previous blog, I quit my job, moved to Montana and well though the stress is lessened I was not able to find work and am now officially two weeks from being homeless.
"Everything that happens to you, happens for a reason." I question a lot of stuff, why did I have to get TN, which seems to have started a spiral into the unknown. I was told by a very wise person that TN is not a curse that we each have this for a reason. TN is not considered one of the diagnosis that affords us disability pay basically because we are functional and can work. We have moments that we face that are unbearable but those moments never last too long. TN encouraged me to continue my education and to pursue my career in writing. I can happily, though in the face of a terrible situation, write that I am seven classes from getting my degree. I can see the finish line and I am going to continue to follow this path forward facing several unknowns along the way. I can't blame my current situation on TN because TN did not cause me to run out of money. TN did not cause my family to decide not to help and allow me to become homeless. TN is not causing me to have a load, of what seems like bad luck, dumped over my head. No, I don't blame TN for any of these things, instead I look at TN and wonder if it is pushing me to step from my fears and forcing me to write about things that are painful? Certainly, I would rather write about happy things with funny anecdotes and tell everyone that life is a bowl full of cherries. Instead, I write about real life experiences and the things that are happening to my life but oddly happening to others as well.
"...Everything happens for a reason." Does not mean that the sky is falling or that we are being punished. I think this means that what ever we are experiencing is something that we will learn from and that wisdom will be something we can share with others in similar situations. Or perhaps it means admitting to needing help when we would sit in silence, too shameful to speak our truths.
Today, I write and I will, in a couple of weeks after selling everything I have and can sell, set off from Montana to Oregon. I have never been to Oregon and it seems like an interesting state. I ask that if anyone can share information about Oregon or know anyone who may be able to help me let me know. I can use some help. Thanks for reading my post.
You can follow my journey at http://www.kelise1967.blogspot.com