Special Thanks

Thank you all for your kind words of support and understanding... I sometimes forget whats in front of me and get very depressed and feel lousy and out of touch... I moved in with my mother recently to assist me with my son as there are days that I just cant even speak and being a teen he uses against me because he knows I will give in as he will just do the 'Bart Simpson' torture on me till I cant bare to listen to the wailing!!

Unfortunately my mother doesn't understand what I am going through and she is an educated nurse and Pathologist. She even had a go at me today for having a winge and told me to shut up. I looked her in the face and said - would you prefer me crying in pain and you can see it or shall we esthetically pretend TN doesn't exist and I drown myself in opiates around you so you don't have to listen to my pain and I stormed off to my room.

I daily do positive affirmations and visualize myself with NO PAIN, smiling, being happy, in a loving relationship and not having to worry about where am I going to get the $$ for the gabapantem (I am seriously thinking about bribing a GP to list me as an epileptic so I pay only $5.60 instead $200 per month!!!)... I have read the Secret, I have read about the Biology of Belief... I am seeing a natropath, seeking out Chinese methods and seeing an Associate Professor of Neurosurgery on Monday... I am so excited to finally see a doctor that knows and understand. I am sick to death of being mistreated by hospitals as a junkie... I try and compartmentalize the negative and just try and think about the positive things in my life... Things like sleeping - its my favourite hobby - its the time I have NO PAIN... and my son when he isn't a teen brat!

Am I over reacting here or has everyone gone thro this right of passage before acceptance? I was diagnosed in 2007 but kept it to myself - carried it on my shoulders for 4 years and told noone... I suffered alone... it was only when I came across this website that I openly admitted the pain, which I was thought was a sign of weakness... its there like a grieving process...?? I just feel so up and down about this... once minute when Im not in pain for about 10 minutes and be happy and jump arounf then i will like a split personality, collapse on couch facing noone and try not to show anyone my soilent tears. lately the pain so bad that i have to do serious meditation but thats after knocking knocking back opiates first.... I hate living in a daze, forgetting things and not being able to drive anymore....

Anyways, thats my ear bash for today... I think I mite just go to sleep. nothing better to do on a Saturday night... no date, no clubbing with friends (lost most mates due to last minute cancellations thanks to TN)... no boyfriend...

PMSL you would think I was 70 talking like this yet i am only in my mid 30s!!!

Good night all xxx

Hi there. I am thinking of you. Hang in there, I know how hard it can be. You are a wonderful, strong person. My best wishes and kind thoughts are sent to help you along. Perhaps the time has come to share with those around you more, so they understand how debilitating it can be.

Hi Izabella, BASH ON! LET IT OUT! We are here to listen and support you. We need to plan a campaign to better inform the hospital and medical world about the drug needs we have.

Although most friends and family support me, part of my social life has changed a little. If I go out to eat or speak to a group I have to take a couple of oxycodones in addition to the regular stuff. But that doesn't always stop my lower facial and electrical explosion from happening.

Recently,I met a very nice woman at picnic. I'm reluctant to ask her out because all the difficulties. The other day I was without pain. I dropped into a restaurant for a bowl of vegetable curry made in coconut milk. First spoonful and BOOM! Yup, its a drag.

You might try the chat room we have. Perfect for Bashing, I can't say much about it because I've never used but give it a try. Oh! What's a winge?

Hi Izabella,

I am so sorry to read about your car accident. I know our situations are not exactly the same-but I did have to move in with my Mom a few years ago after I got hurt a work. I lost everything my car, my cat, my apt etc... Just started getting a bit better and then got hit with this a few months ago. I can relate to a lot of things that you said-not going out on sat night-no boyfriend. It's really difficult. I had things I was going to do to-I wanted to be a chef. oh well I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and wish you the best. If you need to vent-I am here. (})