So tired of trying

My parents live in Tx and I'm in Nv, neither my parents nor my husband quite "get it" even though I've tried to explain to all of them. My husbands theory is he just wants me back to normal... I don't even know what normal is anymore. He wants to ride in his car, 68 chop top vw bug, doesn't understand why I pull a hat on and pull it down over my face. Why I lay in bed & cry because my body aches from the medication that is getting to me, then my head & face hurt more because I cry.... My bosses don't get it that I'm unable to do as many massages as i used to, nor my clients because I'm not there as often as I was..... My husband suggests we move back home after working so hard to get where we are here.... There are times, here lately more then not.. that I just want to go away ... everything just go away... the pain, the pills, the stress of everything.... then I try but then it doesn't seem worth it....

Shelli, it sounds to me as if you may be seriously depressed. I respect that, because I've often seen it in chronic pain patients in the 17 years I've been a patient advocate and online research analyst. From the same background, I would suggest that you talk with a counseling professional about supportive therapy and ways to help people close to you to understand what you are experiencing.

Hi Shelli,

I get it. Honestly, who wouldn't feel depressed with this constant pain and the effects of the meds?? But here's what I heard also...that you're still connected enough to reach out to ppl, that's a great thing. You're still married (lol)...a lot of ppl lose their relationship due to the pain and pressure of just being yourself when all you want to do is be left alone. You still're getting out, even if you have to force yourself, and this is good too.

Crying is hard to avoid, but yes it does make it hurt more...which makes you cry more...which...yep. it's all very hard to deal with.

Yes, you might be depressed but would be shocked if you weren't. I am too. I think there's a difference in the despair you feel from being in constant pain and doped up, as opposed to being organically depressed, or whatever the term is for depression that stems from a different source than something like TN. That might not make a difference, and looking into meds to address depression might help, but it's just one more freaking pill you have to take to treat another symptom of the big problem.

Keep looking for the magic equation that helps you feel the least amount of TN pain and allows you the best level of alertness you can find. I take so much crap for TN that I if I find a level that helps the pain, it makes me a lifeless shell. If I want to be myself again and live without the side effects of meds, I have to deal with crazy pain.

I remember when I was 'normal'. I thought everything was so hard, I was a single mom, had to struggle, juggling stresses. Now I laugh at what I used to think was a tough day. I have some real tough days now. But there are ppl who have it much more difficult than this, and I try to keep my problems in perspective.

Go easy on yourself, ok? Or go get in your car, take a drive alone, and drop some serious f bombs at top volume. Works for me sometimes :)

My dear Shelli,

Every one on this planet with chronic pain so gets the sister companion, depression, that goes along with daily pain. I was very relieved when I found out that pain fries the serotonin in the brain. It's the "up" chemical we have that balances with the other chems in our brain. It might help to google "diets rich in serotonin support", you'll find so much good information to help with the depression. Also, I went to a counselor because the life change that this brought to my door step was hard to navigate. My two youngest kids were 2 and 3 at the onset of this disorder and I think the business of tending to them and working in a thriving business left me with no time to contemplate a plan for the years to follow.

I pray you're feeling better soon! Please msg me whenever you'd like. I'm not on this forum everyday, but will get back just as soon as I am able to do so.

Hugs and prayers for you sweetie!


Yes, do see a professional, if not a chronic pain specialist, then a counselor. Check on here to see if there are any support groups for TN-- tab up above -- or for Chronic pain in your area.

Stress causes pain, depression ups the pain, - if you get on an anti depressant OR an anti anxiety med -- it does not mean you are weak or that you have to be on it forever--- these are misconceptions. You don't have to suffer -- here is a document from the great organization NAMI --- you and your husband should perhaps read it together -- fact sheet on depression and help:

PLEASE keep posting here!

Hey Shelli,

It's really hard for our family members to get what we go thru, sometimes... I just recently brought up our website and put up the page "coping with crisis." Told my husband don't let the title scare you there is helpful information in there that might help you in how to deal with this whole TN thing with me. Well I left it up and went out for awhile. He actually did read it and when I got back he said it helped. Things have gotten better. It is hard for me not to talk about it because it is there every day. He understands this now, but at first he got tired of hearing about it. Who wouldn't?? really. It is what it is. We've worked thru it and we have gone recently to a TN meeting and met others in person that have TN. I think this has also helped tremendously for him to realize how tough it is. Also for me too, because there was a husband there supporting his wife, and he brought tears to my eyes when he spoke about what he went thru as well. None of this is easy, and takes time and lots of communication and patience. Hang tough Shelli. I wish you pain free days and better days. Sincerely, Min

I hear you and understand your feelings. I also understand your husband as it's hard to watch the one you love struggle with invisible pain and its effects not to mention the medications.

When all this started I cried every single day from the pain and the thought that this is never going to go away and will only get worse. I am now on an anti-depressant and in counselling and I feel so much better.

I don't have an answer for you but just know that we are here for you and understand. You can message me anytime. Hoping you find your happy place again.

Hi Shelli,
We understand and feel you. When this pain came like a lightning and didn’t go away even after I had tried all sorts of medications, dark thoughts crept into my head. Family and friends did not understand how excruciating the pain was and I couldn’t make myself clearer. Depression is associated with chronic pain, so you must learn how to cope with it. I ended up in hospital , not because of TN, but it was depression . With professional help and more pills, the dark thoughts went away.
I am on remission and a happier person and I wish you be freed from this pain sometime in the future. There is a chance for some of us to enjoy remission . Do not lose hope, please let someone help you now!

Shelli, I feel your pain, we all do. We are thinking of you and hoping for relief for you very soon. I know it is hard but it is doable and anything is better than the alternative..........

Shelli, years ago before all this started i was at a low point in my life, everything i had and loved had fallen apart, I was seriously concidering ending it all. I looked at my dog who I loved more than anything and knew I couldnt leave her. I called a support hotline and got help. I took an antidepressant and it really helped along with a good counselor. There is no shame in feeling the way you do, but trust me, even in dealing with this now, I know I can handle it, because I have handled worse. Please call someone that can help you get through this. I still have a counselor, and i go at least twice a month just for a mental health checkup so to speak, I am no longer on antidepressants and am dealing with the depression from this without them. So it could be a temporary help for you, but you need someone to talk to. Please feel free to message me if you need to chat and remember that this too will pass. Wendy

Thank you all so very much,

I can't stress how much I really appreciate everyone trying to help me and all of your suggestings. I do feel that I need to talk to someone that is outside my family and friends circle. That is one of the reasons why I joined this site is for support and in some way pointing me in the right direction.

Colleen as for married, that one I feel is on a rocky path and as for work, I think I'm off more then I'm there. This week I was there only one day. I do try to get out, mostly here lately its walking the dog. Which is something that Crashgirl said: "I looked at my dog who I loved more than anything and knew I couldnt leave her." Which is so very true!!! I love my dog more then my husband, she's been with me longer then he has.

I am on 60mg of cymbalta daily and have been for about two months now. Was hoping that it would help the depression along with the daily wish to put a power drill through my head. I see the neurologist this coming thursday, we are doing a occipital nerve block to see if that will at the very least ease some of the pain.

I've battled bouts of depression and since I was 15 many times the "alternative" seems like a better choice and usually I can do pretty well at functioning till I get my brain to come back to center. Since this began it gets harder and harder to find any form of center, which makes it difficult when working on people as a massage therapist. My father tells me to stay off these sites because they just make you worry more. He's 5 year remission on colon cancer and very straight forward military type. For me I need to know I'm not alone in this battle. And it is a hell of a battle!!

Again I thank everyone of you, I'd give all of you massive hugs if I could!!

I'm ex-military too, Shelli (Lt Col USAF Retired). You can tell your Dad for me that there are some medical disorders that do not respond well to "kick tail and take names". With doctors on the other hand, there is much to recommend the approach...

Red! I couldn't tell you how many times I've heard that lately.... he doesn't understand the term, need to talk it out, which is typical for most military. That was a good laugh this morning, thank you!!

Shelli, your dog looks adorable and she needs you so much. I love that a dog will never judge you and love you just for being you! Still thinking of you and hoping the light shines on you soon.

From my dog Mollie to yours... Cats can be a civilizing influence sometimes... {:-) LoL

cats are considered snacks in my house, lol..Red your boxer is so handsome! Shelli I hope you are feeling better today, and yah I love my dogs more than anyone, I have two now, the one that I wrote about I lost years ago and still miss her everyday. My dogs are smarter than some of the people I deal with (German Shepherds) lol. But on a serious note, if you are feeling blue, hug a dog and those doggie kisses will help!! Hope you are well today, Wendy!

Thanks for the virtual hugs Shelli!!! :D

I'm glad you posted again --- there are a few of us on here -- that come back to give our positive outcomes --- is not all doom and gloom! I know that after my surgery that any day, I could be back to square one --- so I'm not going anywhere for now -- I want to give hope to others -- even if I have a hopeless day - which is much more rare now -

Dogs Rule

Cats Drool LOL

Oh make my heart swell with love. xoxoxox Min


I am ex-military but not a "military personality", like grin and bear it. I have major depression that developed long before TN. Depression is also a disease that people don't "get" unless they have had it themselves. If they can't see it, it doesn't exist. Chronic pain and depression really go together because of the frustration and hopelessness. I know the last thing you want to do is go to the doctor but find a psychiatrist. Not a GP. They may give you meds but usually not at the right dosage. It can make you feel better - but sadly it takes months to get used to a med, find the right dosage and start feeling better. If you can get rid of the pain, that will help so much. Neither TN or depression is a "suck it up disease". I'd like to tell your Dad that if I kicked him in groin to "suck it up". After all it's a pain that doesn't compare to yours. Sorry guys I am a female and have had enough of "it can't be that bad" when I had menstrual cramps that I was in tears. With depression, everything but the absolute necessities will have to fall away, at least for awhile. And moving WILL NOT help. Except add stress to the situation. I am lucky that my DH has coped so well with my illnesses, but not everyone can. As for the meds and not functioning - it's a dilemma. But you will get through this - I know you don't believe that - depression makes it impossible to believe. You are on a very rough journey and this journey sucks.

For me, I have had depression so long - the meds for the TN actually help. I am hoping the side effects don't go away because the pain of depression is so bad that the groggy, numb feeling I am having feels so good to me. But that is me and I've been depressed, majorly for over 10 years. My husband is worried that with this diagnosis and the pain that it's the straw that will send me over.

TN can be a fatal disease and depression can be as well. Find anything that will work, meds, music, aromatherapy, sleep - anything. Also see if your eligible for disability.

You are in mourning for the person before TN and this is normal. But even if that person seems to be gone, she's not. One thing I know about depression is that it RUNS IN CYCLES. The depression will get better. You have to wait it out. Easier said than done.

Do what you can and let the rest go for awhile. It will be there when you get back.