Feeling Blessed despite the days of pain

I find today like most days lately half of my face feels as if someone punched it and continues punching and stabbing me in the face. There are days it continues for the entire day and I know my family tries to understand, but they truly don't know how to deal with it. Most days I'm on my own and I'm fine with that, I'm 22 I mean I want that independence. I've been told I have trigeminal neuralgia and migraines. I don't know what type I have but all I know is that it's became really hard to treat. I've felt defeated let down and frustrated sometimes too because here it is i'm 22 and I medically left college 4 years ago, filed for disabilty, was told yes i have a disability but they claimed I could still do and find a substantal job. Well I tried finding anything and I noticed the pain I physically feel made working any job out of the question. I filed for an appeal and got a lawyer to help with my claim. Ok so with that done I continued to try and find a way back into college. Well right now Vocational Rehabilitation said they might but I won't know for sure. So there you have it add this to being the oldest of 4 kids living with my parents and two of my siblings and let me tell you if you don't get frustrated or annoyed I would think that you'd have to be a robot.

The fact is clear living with something there are no true tests for, or any evidence that can be physically seen most of the time is stressful, frustrating, tiresome, and above all painful. So how then can you feel blessed or like happy even a little when usually all you can think and feel is pain? Well just look around...what reason is there to not feel blessed? Even in pain there are things that we take for granted like the fact we're alive. Each day you have is a gift from God because you are never sure when your last day is. This day or days of pain leave us in bed, isn't it clear we have then a roof over our head? To live we have to eat, is it also not clear you have food? Not everyone has this blessing each and every day. A bed may be a car or the ground and food if any is scarce. You see them everywhere, those people asking for money with nowhere to go, hungry with no idea as to what to eat or where they will sleep. They have little to nothing to call home and struggle just to get any money for food or maybe a warm coat, i mean you just never know. Even at home do you have friends, family or anyone to talk to by phone messages or in person? That's another blessing. Having someone to talk to and who even tries to be there for you any way possible is something not everyone has. Some people live alone where their only companion may be a pet or object that can't talk back. Some don't have electric or may have that but not know how to use a computer or how to text messages.

As you can see there's a lot of blessings that we never think about or realize how blessed we are to even have. In pain you feel alone, yet God is with you and loves you. There's blessings all around, each day. And whose to say that you're just blessed that day. The people you meet you may be blessing them. Those who don't understand are blessed to meet you as they learn there people who have something they don't and are blessed to be able to help. This makes them aware of problems like mine. I didn't think that you can have something so painful yet its considered non life threatening.

I was just an artist and soccer player who had a tough situation. I was super competitive, and you might say was a teachers pet. I didn't have many friends to begin with. I was super active and really didn't care who the person was, all I knew was if you were a soccer play on the other team you were going down. I went to college and both my parents were laid off and 3 family members passed away. Before all this in my final year of high school I began feeling all this unexplained pain and eventually medically left. I kept trying to live a normal life, but wound up in the hospital from trying different medications and remedies to control the pain i was in. My dad wanted me to file for disability. I was against it because I thought disabled was someone mentally or psychically disabled and they looked like such. I never thought that someone could be walking around one day and hurting beyond belief the next. I went to a vocational rehabilitation evaluation center. I met great people, some who you could see were disabled while others looked like nothing was wrong with them. I saw disabled in a whole new way. So my advice is on those days you are in pain and that's all you feel look around see then count your blessings and realize if it wasn't for this pain you wouldn't get to truly not only see but feel something that made you strong and the person you are today. It's just like the saying "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Honestly i'm happy I got this disabling condition because it truly did make me see that despite anything I go through I am blessed.

Thank you I truly appreciate that.

I hear you, the pain is so bad at times we can't think, but when it eases up, we realize how much worse we could be,we have a roof over our heads,blankets beds, pillows,chairs,people that love us even though they don't get it they try,i'm not happy i have this,but i do know i'm blessed and glad to be right where i am if i do have to deal with this

Hang in there, sweetie. wer'e here for you. Bonnie

Thank you so much I'm appreciative all the support. :)

You are right. My mother rang and asked where I was. I said by the sea sitting right next to the edge. She said but it’s 10pm its dark, why. Because it is beautiful and peaceful and quiet and it reminds me that if God can create something that majestic and beyond human means then anything is possible. And if this remains forever then at least the sea will too. One out of two isn’t bad.

Fact is I'm not saying trust me I enjoy the pain...as it continues to get worse and treatment is failing I still stand and say i'm blessed...I mean a simple blessing is getting through a day where medicaitions fail and times at the ER where you just don't know if you are going to be given something that could help or hurt you more. It's a never ending battle and you know despite all the things you feel nd go through saying you're blessed is tough but something you have to believe...because you need something to hope and believe in to keep you motivated.

Noone enjoys the pain. I feel lucky I’ve had a few days where it’s not so bad. I hate te ceasing of the jaw. I hate I can’t open my mouth more than one finger most of the time and two at best. I hate that the muscles on the side of my face are tense 24/7 and then when the TN hits the pain is just debilitating. When it isn’t there I only have the first problem to deal with. The TN is 8 months on 4 months mostly off- to date. I’m just at the beginning of my 8 months now. The drugs they’ve put me on are working they are taking he edge off. For now I can only enjoy that. The muscles are the same the locking is the same. The not being able to do a long list of things in case the tn is aggravated and the jaw further damaged is the same. Not being able to bite a burger or eat an apple or go go karting or go kick boxing or flinch if anyone around me looks like they might get me in the face through silly games. I am bei g honest like you’ve just been. I’m sorry you are in pain

Seizing of the jaw I mean. The headaches aren’t so great either. I’m sorry nothing is working. I hate hearing these things as I’ve only had mine two years and I’m sated of it getting worse. I try to be positive but I am scared.